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Which Sin Will Win in 2008?

Albert Brenner - 1/8/2008

Having promised humanity Universal Happiness once we've overcome our 'inevitable' dystopic future - global chaos caused by man-made global warming – Al Gore and his evilness index, the Carbon Footprint, must surely be the best candidate for Sin Detector of the Year 2008. No longer will we be able to simply board a plane to Tahiti for holiday because we will then, effectively, be 'sinning' because of the aircraft's CO2 emissions. And the more more of us sin, the more we'll 'make war against all existence'.

In the 60s we simply had to make love to stop war. Now we simply have to emit less carbon to stop war. A rather simple solution for all the woes besetting mankind, but then hey… who wants to make things complicated for the gullible in Oprahverse. I mean it's not like the Nobel Prize Selection Committee didn't know that there were wars before global warming - when they decided to give Al Gore the Nobel Peace Prize for giving us the magic formula to stop all wars in the future, or is it?

Be that as it may; green is the new black, and any supporter of the Democrats who had planned to play the race-card to help their political candidate win will, unfortunately, have to contend with an equal playing-field this year. Mind you, the whole Pale Male Criminalization Campaign, started by Jimmy Carter, will have to go on the back-burner because Al Carbon Killer Gore has, like the Grand Inquisitors of old, shown us how to unerringly identify true 'Evil' this year namely, the witch is the one with the largest (carbon) footprint.

One really has to sympathize with Democrats this year; gone are the good old days of winning easy votes simply by blaming pale males. Thanks to Al Gore, 2008 is destined to be a bad year for all Victimologists (homosexuals, radical feminists, Marxists and Noble Savages) because we can all be equal in sin now. Sometimes I wonder whether the weather anomalies of late weren't simply caused by a collective sign of relief heaved by all pale males on the planet upon hearing that they weren't the sole source of all misery in the Universe anymore.

Whatever the weather; every new Ultimate Sin needs new sinners to crucify. And the Grand Inquisitor himself, Al Gore, must tread very carefully because in spreading his message of global doom he's actually leaving behind a Carbon Footprint that will put 10 000 flatulent Friesland cows to shame for a decade to come. I mean seriously, the more Al jets around the planet, the longer it will take us to save it. His farcical situation is not unlike the one Bono found himself in after he had opened one of his concerts with his usual White Guilt-trip gimmick; "Everytime I clap my hands a child dies of poverty in Africa". Whereupon an irate Irishman in the audience got up and said, "Well stop clapping then!".

On the global stage, America, as a non-signer of the Kyoto Protocol, will also have to be very cunning to avoid being burned at the stake this year. As the biggest Carbon Footprint 'sinner' she's seriously running the risk of replacing Apartheid South Africa as the skunk paragon of the West. Whereas the latter was extremely recalcitrant in swallowing the previous Ultimate Sin (the negation of lop-sided multi-culturalism), the former will be well-advised to swallow every word Al says hook-line-and-sinker, lest it becomes the latest global 'pedophile' to have stolen the innocence of all humanity.

Mind you, if America plays her cards right and weather the storm (pun intended) for 5 years or so, she might just survive this latest Ultimate Sin with her global economic& political clout still intact. Do remember that the last Ultimate Sin (the negation of lop-sided multi-culturalism) and its greatest Sinner (Apartheid South African) only lasted about 5 years after its abolishment. Mandelatopia, the most adventurous flirtation with cultural relativism in the history of mankind, came to its inevitable Amistad End even sooner than anybody could've had time to have nightmares about. Just like the freed black slave of Amistad became a slave trader himself after having been freed by the 'evil' White Man, so Mandela and his 'liberation' cronies have, effectively, enslaved their fellow blacks (and the whites)….whether intentionally or through typical mind-boggling African incompetence (e.g. poverty has doubled, South Africa has slipped 40 places on the UN's Human Development Index, a 1000 people die of AIDS/HIV per day, etc). But hey, like Zimbabweans, all South Africans are now free....to live and die like dogs!

To paraphrase Aldous Huxley; you choose your Sin and pays your penance. Who in America cares about the 2000 white farmers in South Africa who have been brutally tortured and killed, and the 45 black children raped by black men per day since Mandelatopia descended from LaLa Land? And who will care if America loses its global economic& political clout due to Al Gore's lop-sided Eco-mania? Same difference, different Sin! But then, we Americans live for happy endings, and a Sin every new day keeps the existentialist blues at bay. Alas, the only future to be reaped when the Sinner becomes his own Saviour.