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A Tribute to Fathers

Jeremy Reynalds, Ph.D. - 6/15/2008

Dad play a very important role in the lives of their children, and that’s true for our guests staying at Joy Junction, New Mexico’s largest emergency homeless shelter. For Father’s Day 2008, we asked a number of our residents to write down their thoughts about “Dad.”

Here is some of what they wrote. I have changed the names of everyone in this story for confidentiality.

Alice

Alice said that even though her dad wasn’t around much, he was still a great father. She said that her mom and dad argued constantly, and as a result, her dad kept leaving to go back to his parents. Alice said she has “a nervous stomach,” just like her dad.

Alice said her dad “favored” her. She wrote, “I was his oldest girl, and he would take me out with him to baseball games, friends home, and (often) bring me toys.”

She continued, “I remember only one spanking in my life, and it was from my dad. I suppose it was because I was being obstinate again. My mom and sister sat on the sofa and watched. (My sister) bawled.”

Alice recalled that other than the one spanking, she usually got what she wanted from her dad. She said, “He never once raised his voice to me. He called me princess. I still remember him, as I was a carbon copy of him in looks. People often said that he resembled a small Clark Gable. He did when he wore that small moustache.”

Alice remembered her dad as being a joker. She wrote, “People who didn't know him took him for serious, as he would have a deadpan look, but his eyes gleamed. I sure miss him.”

Lila

Lila said her dad always told her to be polite and respect her elders.

She remembered some other things he did. “When I was six he took me to a water park. I was scared to go by myself, and he went with me down the slide. Then when I was a teenager, I was always a trouble maker. My dad sat me down one day, and told me a story about a guy he knew at work. He said that the man’s son was doing the same thing that I was doing, and he was now in prison at the age of 18.”

Lila recalled her dad being there for her when her first love broke her heart and told her, “There are always other fish in the sea.”

Then on another occasion her prom date called her, and said he was unable to make it for that special evening. While Lila knew someone else who she could go with, he was unable to afford a tuxedo. Lila said her dad bought him everything he needed.

Lila said her dad was still always there for her when she disappointed him, and never failed to tell her that he loved her.

Then cancer struck her dad. Lila said that when he was in the hospital they talked a lot, and he told her that he always loved her and the rest of their family. Lila said he then gave her a piece of paper with the information she would need if she wanted to contact her biological parents.

Lila said he told her, “‘Call them and get to know them. They are actually your parents.’ I told my dad that he is my dad, and always will be my dad till the end of time.”

When her dad fell into a coma because of the cancer, Lila said she played “You Raise Me Up,” by singer Josh Groban. She also read her dad a poem she wrote for him. Lila added, “Even though he couldn't talk or open up his eyes, he had tears coming down.”

Lila said, “Every day since then, I look up at the stars and just think of him. Whenever I am lost or confused or need advice, I just look up at the stars and talk to him. You all may think that is crazy, but that is how I deal with losing my dad.”

Lila had words of wisdom for those whose fathers are still alive. She said, “Always say ‘I love you,’ and cherish them, because you will never know what you got until he is gone. Till this day, I wish I could talk to him and apologize for my actions in my life.”

Esther

Esther’s father died in a car accident when she was two years old.
She said, “Mother has always said I couldn't possibly remember him. She was right for the most part. What I do remember is bunk beds, a cot, a night gown with red polka dots and one Christmas. The tree was in the living room, and the front door was wide open. It was dark outside, but I could see red tail lights in the distance. Mom said that was the last time we saw him.”

Esther wonders why that evening has left such a strong imprint in her life, when she was still so young and her dad had left so many times before.

She said, “I like to believe it was because the Holy Spirit in me knew it would be a long time before I would see him again. The faith I still have allows me to know for sure (my dad) will be one of the first to be waiting for me when I go home.”

Lucy

Lucy said she has always valued her father, even though he was gone a lot working while she was young.

She said, “It was to take care of our physical needs. I know it was hard for my mom and him with six children. So most of the family time (he) was never really there. As I have gotten older, I thank the Lord for my father because he is such a kind, gentle and patient man. This time in my life, I need my father's support. My girls get a lot of wisdom and laughter from my dad.”

Lucy added, “The thing my dad does besides bringing me humor in my life is supporting me spiritually. We worship God together, and he prays for me. I am so happy I have a man like my dad to be my father.”

My Take

So what are you supposed to do on Father's Day? Well, the event was described on www. menstuff.org as, “A time to give love and thanks to all fathers, grand fathers, great grand fathers; a day for all fathers to celebrate fatherhood and contemplate their sacred duty to provide for the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual needs of their children and the other children of this world.”

I have to say that Lila captured for me what I think should be the essence of Father’s Day, and perhaps every day year round. As she wrote, we should be cherishing our fathers and telling them that we love them, because we never know what we have until they’re gone.