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Holy Cows

Deepa Kandaswamy - 5/13/2011

When in India, watch out for Rak and Kak. They’re easy to spot. They are two skinny, wise, well read and very opinionated bulls. You’ll find them near Kalanai – the oldest and the only functioning stone dam in the world, next to deserted spot with the overflowing dustbin that the garbage collectors always ignore. Kak is the one with faded yellow horns. Rak has a pronounced limp when he walks.

You'll see them chewing the newspaper after they've read it. They like to be up to date on latest news, especially politics. If you are bored or tired, stop by and listen to their discussions. I did and this is what they had to say on Wednesday.

“Did you read the front page? They’ve killed Osama bin Laden.” Kak said.

“Yes. But what does it matter?” Rak asked.

“Are you kidding? Bin Laden is the world’s most wanted terrorist and the Americans have killed him inside Pakistan, right next to the Pakistan Military Academy!”

"Kak, this is not going to change anything for India or Pakistan or US."

“No, it will change everything,” Kak said. “Americans will wake up to the fact that Pakistan harbors terrorists and won’t stand for it. Did you read Hafiz Sayeed, the mastermind behind the Mumbai attacks of 26/11 lead the funeral prayers for Osama in Pakistan? Are you telling me the US won’t take note of that? ”

“Exactly. He has made several public appearances in Pakistan and US is mum about it just like Pakistan,” Rak declared. “There was not even a protest against those incidents by the US, were there?”

“No, there weren’t.” Kak shook his head disapprovingly. “What are you suggesting will happen?”

Rak smiled and limped to the shade as the sun began to climb and said, “It is pretty apparent. US will want some Pakistani heads on the block for Osama’s presence. Not just for Obama’s home crowd but to show justice has been done with a trial, etc. Pakistan will comply and the US – Pakistan will go back to their uneasy marriage.”

“Whose heads?”

“Anyone will do. US and Pakistan will claim that some rogue elements in Pakistan military – intelligence establishments were “secretly” hiding Osama without the “government’s knowledge”.

“Rak, you do have an overactive imagination. Surely, the Americans won’t fall for this kind of fairy tale!” Kak said and began to laugh.

“Kak, you are interrupting me and yes, Americans have always fallen for these sorts of stories. The more dramatic the better. The AQ Khan story, the WMD in Iraq story, etc.”

“Okay, you have a point. Go on.”
“So the rogue elements will be caught, the trial will be held and the US- Pak relationship will be back to its pre May 1 state in about 6 months.”

“But why do they need to do that?” asked Kak puzzled.

“Well, for one, Pakistan is a nuclear state. No one would want the nuclear weapons to fall into the West Asian states like Saudi Arabia or in splinter terrorist organisations or even al-Qaida hands. Second, US will have to continue aid to keep their strategic advantage vis a vis China, Saudi Arabia, Iran and even India!”

“So, let me get it straight. You are suggesting US has embarrassed Pakistan but in six months time, all of this will be behind them?” Kak said. “Are you saying US is not against terrorism but only aiding Pakistan for its own interests?”

“Why else? In politics – national or international, everyone does something to further their own interests. If their interests coincide, fantastic, if it doesn’t too bad.” Rak said.

Having chewed up all the available paper in the garbage dump, they ambled on to the river bed in search of grass. However, they located only more garbage dumps. They sifted through the plastics, glass, carry bags with their horns, searching for newspapers. They located a few local language dailies. Contented, they browsed the pages.

Kak stopped eating and said, “Moo… The American “War against Terror” sure tastes funny.”

“Moohehe… ” Rak laughed and they began their three mile stroll to the nearest water pipe.